Richard E. Johns' Journal

11:16pm: Outta Heah!
Well, after 10 months in Iraq, (self-inflicted), my rotation flight has finally come around. A rotation break of approx 28 or so days, then back over here to Baghdad.
Lots of changes. Iraq regained control of their country with the signing of the Status of Forces Agreement in Jan 09.

US Military and Diplomatic folks have clear cut 'Can and Can't Dos' formalized and agreed upon.
Contractors, however are not discussed, protected or have no rights officially in the SOFA.
"We'll work on that at a later time." Official Blah-blah.
SO.... Be very careful when driving, meeting and interacting w/Iraqi military and civilians.
We have to see how things go as time goes on.

Me? I'm glad it's time for the 24 hour Generator and flushing toilets.
and restaurants, and Sci-Fi Channel and History Channel.

....and temps ONLY near 100 degrees
Sah-Weeet!

RJ

2:55pm: Writer's Block: It Sounds Better When You Say It

Ocho cervezas mi capitan pagina,
Used it Special Forces once or twice...
"Eight beers, my Captain will pay." lol

12:10pm: Memorial Day wishes
Have a Great weekend... yeah, sorry I've been a bit busy, shoulda posted this on Friday.

Military Folks and former military folks: Thank You for your service to our country.

Please remember the fallen and say a prayer for those still O.D.S. (Out Dere Somewhere) having their weekend various unpleasant places.

It's 123 here today folks and Baghdad is still...Baghdad.
Chicken, mashed potatoes and rice.
CARB-ing up for whatever.

Safe Travels if you're commuting to family or loved ones for the weekend...or if your commuting BACK.
Rich J.
(CP-17 right across the field from the Tomb of the Iraqi War Dead).
Go to Google Earth, check it out...

I'll look up and WAVE to Ya! LMAO.

7:15am: 55 Days and a Wake-up
Time's winding down and the temperature is winding up! Two back to back days at 111 degrees...it's SUMMA-TIME!

Still haven't received the full SHAMAL (translation: BLAZING HOT Summer winds yet), but we're trying NOT to taunt the 'Weather Trolls' too much.
Still having a hint of cool breezes up until about noon, then temps are toasty hot from noon till three and then back down to 'simmer' until about 6:30 PM.

Back into pushing cool water and NO RIP-IT drinks for the guards out here. If I have told them once, I've told them a million times, Hydrate FIRST! The company has had our first dehydration cases this year and they are now going to fine the guards a serious chunk of change IF they got down and can prove that they were drinking Rip-Its and Monster drinks. (and the Docs can give the bosses an indication before they punch an IV into the guard.

No thanks on the fine and/or the IV. I've told the guys I want them to start collecting their water bottle caps and show them to me at quitting time. (Now, it appears the guys are walking around on their breaks and policing up ANY water bottle lids they can come up with).

"Nice TRY, Arturo, but KBR hasn't used Blue caps on their water bottles for 7 MONTHs!"
"Counselling statement for You!"

Still trying to keep all our guys from getting a fine...
Happy Monday.
RJ

5:58pm: 92 days and a Wake-up!
Scheduled for airflight outta Baghdad Intern'l on 13 July. Yay!
Going home. Not known yet if it will be Baghdad-Dubai-Dulles or Baghdad-Jordan-New York-Dulles or Baghdad-Jordan-Dulles.

No. 1 or #3 is OK by me. Just as long as I get home.
Family.
Visit with Jamison William Alan Dalton. Way to go Kristy! He's a cutie!
XBOX, SciFi Channel, Dexter, History Channel, Old Town Alexandria.
heavy on etc......!

Home to CT to see 'Rents and my baby sister and her kids and her grandkids...Whoa!
30 days is just not long enough.

Then back to the frying pan over here. Baghdad in the Summer.
Ye-Ha.

7:22am: Back again [Can Facebook be declared a drug?]
Well there you have it in the subject line.
I have been kidnapped by Vampires, shot down in flames by all SORTS of aircraft, (but NOW I have a P-47 Thunderbolt and appear to be holding my own).
Re-Met (Can you do that on-line?) people I haven't seen or HEARD from in almost 10 years.

I have a VERY persistent 'Kidnapper' that has some kind of fixation on Dublin....
I've moved MY hideout about 8 times but she is also a 'friend'; all she has to do is go down her 'Friend' list and ferret out my NEW hideout and request that I submit [politely] to being kidnapped again.
[You can always say NO, dumbass]
Well Hello evil twin! Haven't seen you around lately.

I have also attempted baby steps as a Space Pirate, meh.
What else, oh yeah, I have discovered who I 'may' have been in a past life, (really don't recall much). My favorite color is purple (NO, it's NOT, but what can you expect with only a few vague questions)?

Suffice it to say but for me, I think it's a drug.
May need to go thru DETOX....
["Hi, I'm Lindsey Lohan, and I mainline Facebook"].

5:04pm: Kidnapped by Facebook
In a dark Van, western Baghdad, with four Axe Throwers ("Chu want Axe?") and a small drunken dragon... possibly green... Driving around Baghdad... "Isn't that the CSH right then for about the sixth TIME tonight?

What a mind boggling array of 'extra' things to do, kidnapping your friends, designating relatives, finding out how many of your friends, former mil buds and various Contractor dudes and dudettes are STILL wandering around in Iraq.

Un-gel-liebagab-boul!
LOTS of us appear to have no LIFE. So we sit in various FOBs, COPs, or small housing 'islands' and jump back together to play "Nap", Mafia Wars or other applets attached to Facebook and then try to guess how many MORE people in the world you haven't heard from in years....just HAPPEN to live a couple of miles from you in BAGHDAD.

"It's NOT weird, it's JUST Iraq."
Truer words were never mumbled...after 5 Guinness's.
LMAO.

Rich Johns ('Richard Edward Johns' on Facebook)...
HEY! Why didn't anyone TELL me I didn't HAVE to register under my FULL Name??
Dammit, Jim!! Little help here....oops, too late.

Grazza magga frugnumps.

8:48am: Writer's Block: Fearsome

Had to have been... The Witch of the West from the "Wizard of Oz".
Could not stay in the same room while she was onscreen.
Probably busted out of it when I was 10(?).
But I got better....lol.

RJ

5:29pm: Voting Day again in Iraq.
Traffic snarls, travel restrictions, assassinations against Sunni, Shia and Kurdish candidates running for open slots in the Iraqi Council of Representatives.

One female Candidate lost her cousin 'cause the bad guys killed the WRONG person.
(Poor target ID, BAD recon or maybe they just wanted to scare her off... The LADY has decided to STAY in the race!)

Try THAT on for size, Hillary.

Waiting to see what the outcome will be and how this may charge the voting 'blocks' in the Iraqi "House of Representatives."

Have a great Super Bowl Sunday.

Rich J.

3:59pm: Checkin in so you know I'm still O.K.
Nothing much is happening. Iraqi Army/Police are taking charge of the 'exterior' Checkpoints coming into the city.
For those of you following our Game at home (and VAGUELY remember WHERE the ECPs ARE): That would be Entry Control Point 1A, ECP 2 and 2A, ECP 3, ECP 11 (14 July Bridge), ECP 12 (the END of 'Lovable' Route Irish) and ECP 18....and Oops! Almost forgot: Corvette Gate.

So far, so good. Loud booms occasionally far downtown and a couple of 'neighborhood disagreements' executed with carbombs and automatic weapons fire.

Still people out jogging in the IZ during the day (hope that 'Runners High' stays with you if you get sideswiped by a TIER ONE PSD convoy). There ARE DoS warnings out about that sort of 'Devil-may-care' behavior but LOTS of people tend to ignore it. Go figure!
Can't Wait 'till Hillary comes over and samples the 'driving situation' (IF she ever LEAVES the Embassy Compound).

Lines on the roads, traffic lights, yield or stop-signs, traffic cones and lane change warning signs are merely traffic 'suggestions' and by no means (as far as I can see) ENFORCED by the Traffic Police parked in various locations. (We consider them traffic 'observers' NOT traffic rule 'enforcers'). Think they are still working out the rules/laws/standards.
When everyone runs around town at about 80 MPH with machineguns mounted on pickup trucks, HUMMVs and Toyota Landcruisers, 45 armed guys in your 'personal escort' and no one ABOUT to give way, anything is possible (to include traffic having to detour up and over medians and the traffic 'police' just look over and 'observe'. They do have really NICE cars, bubblegum machines on top, and snazzy black leather jackets. Or yeah, did I mention the fingertip-less leather driving gloves (also de rigeur).
Think "Electraglide in Blue" meets chain-smoking "don't get off the car's hood UNLESS there's a FATAL car crash." ...or something like that.

Yeah, it's THAT kind of 'Mad Max' driving environment. Wonder how everyone around here manages to stay alive. Wait for a lull in traffic streams or PSD convoys and "punch it", get across the 'accident-go-round' (roundabouts) and haul ass for your home compound.

Too much fun is being had by all. Driving some little Geo or ACURA 'knock-off' moped-on-four-wheels is sure to get your pulse RACING. Better some kind of overarmored, over-engined behemoth so IF (when?) you take a hit, get squeezed into a T-Wall or just pull over and WAIT for the 14 vehicles to pass you by, you can turn to others in the car and say "Did we just hit something?"

Sooner or later 'They' will clamp down on this unnecessary frivolity, but 'till then, it's still: "Drive it like you stole it and the owners of the car are right BEHIND you in hot pursuit."

Oh I also forgot to mention that practically EVERYONE has these el cheapo blue and red flashing lights lashed all over their cars' grills, roof, sometimes INSIDE the grills, some times multiple sets all OVER the vehicle, so at night it looks like everyone in the IZ are driving police cars chasing OJs vehicle. Who is important?? EVERYONE is IMPORTANT! SEE, I have flashing blue and red lights on my car!
Kinda really don't want to be stopped by anyone after dark, even if they appear to be a legit police car. No thank you, sir we're OUTTA here!

Cheap thrills but you gotta make them or take them as you can.

Rich J.
That's about it for this time.

11:43am: Writer's Block: Comfort Food

FROZEN Suzy-Qs

#2 Chocolate and Strawberry Ice Cream with some M&Ms mixed in.

Damn, now I'm hungry again.....
RJ

8:01am: Meme stolen from Jujo
Stolen From Jujo

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to eat with you.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. If not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you.
10. If you play, you MUST post this on yours

Hmmm.

1. Socks with different colored toes
2. Disney Three Musketeers: "Porthos? the Pirate? AHHHHHHH..."
"See? I TOLD you I was famous!" LMAO.
3. Orange jello with 'stuff' inside (pineapple chunks)?
4. Gutted Brotschen
5. Long black hair, Berlin..."Gotta get this kid his own 'beeper'"
6. leopard, legs hanging down from a tree limb; self-satisfied but still scanning the horizon for.....LUNCH.
7. What IS your favorite color anyway?
8. That laugh, natch !
9. Being so far away.
10. Posted already.

1:04pm: Writer's Block: Doctor Who?

I also grew up with Tom Baker as the Doctor. I think Hugh Jackman would be interesting in the part (if they could get him). The 'Wolverine' persona, the 'Swordfish' hacker guy, "Van Helsing", the slightly snobbish Duke in "Kate and Leopold." With those different facets of characters added together, I think he could have fun as the Doctor.

Julian McMahon:

After playing 'Cole Turner' in the "Charmed" Series, 'John Grant' in "Profiler", 'Victor Von Doom' in "Fantastic Four" and 'Christian Troy' in "Nip/Tuck", he is my second choice for the Doctor.

I agree that the Doctor's next incarnation should be a more worldly-wise person.

Although, Lucy Liu would be a great left-field addition to the show.
Especially if the Doctor's daughter (Georgia Moffet) shows up again to be onscreen with Lucy.

Outta Heah,

RJ Sends

3:44pm: Iraqi Veteran's/Memorial Day
Wow:

Iraqi had their "Sovereignty Day" on the first day of Jan 2009. We gave them back the Palace "Republican Palace" (and there are a couple more names I'm sure). We also gave them control of all the outlying security checkpoints 'around' the Green Zone AKA the International Zone (IZ).

Iraqi 'snap' checkpoints are popping up all over the place at night.
Soooo...Riddle me this Batman:
Why put out a checkpoint where: 1. Your GUYS don't speak ENGLISH.
2. Your guys don't READ English (Reallllly tough to read a badge that's printed in ENGLISH).
3. Your guys have no Chemlights (helpful after dark [4:30 PM] to SEE where your guys are standing (How about reflective vests).
4 No barrier material: Traffic cones, barbed wire, couple of VEHICLES maybe.

And on the other side of the coin:
What do we do? (No 'briefing', no Info, NO 5 'W's).
So common sense (former military guy brainstorm) Try THIS:
Approach checkpoint SLOWLY... (really don't want to SURPRISE any Iraqi soldier standing on the side of the road at NIGHT with no: flashlight, chemlight, reflective vest, warning triangle...)etc.

So far we have seen (on our way back to our compound) Iraqi checkpoints consisting of:
A military vehicle backed up to a curb, with two guys inside the vehicle smoking with the overhead light on. (O.K. So we'll give them the fact that it was reallly COLD out that night).
Next night, a little farther down the road (from the previous evening's 'watchpoint', NOT CHECK point), an Iraqi soldier with a little Petzl headlamp using it as a flashlight. He indicated us to 'stop' by pointing with the flashlight down to a place on the road.
We stopped, we dropped our lights, thurned on OUR overhead light and showed him our badges.
"American?" he inquired.
"Yes, we are." He put the flashlight beam on the windshield of the car and then indicated which direction we should depart.

Another night, we come down the main road and there are two Iraqi Army vehicles parked facing into the center of the lane. Any vehicle coming down the street would have to stop and then weave in between the two vehicles into order to continue down the road.

Another soldier walks up to our vehicle and gestures to us to stop, we turn on the interior light and show our badges (we are VERY well trained at this, because we are IN the IZ).
He comes to the window and checks our badges and yells up to the next vehicle "AMERIKIs".

They pack up the two vehicles the Iraqi guy keeps us right where we are until the second vehicles pulls across in front of us, he waves at us and jumps in the back of HIS vehicle and the two vehicles roar off into the night.

"O.K. THAT was weird." The driver looks at me and says.
"No, it's not Weird, it's just DIFFERENT. We ARE in Iraq." I respond.
"So what the hell was that?"

Maybe there was a certain time they had to do this, then they were done...
Maybe it was dinner time and they just up and left.
MAYBE they had a certain QUOTA of Amer-ikis to check out and we were like "No. 15", so they could go HOME for the night.
Or Maybe... they were just got cold and bored and decided to pack it in.

"It's Not WEIRD, it's IRAQ...."
SO f'in TRUE around here.

Till next time:
"What the HELL was THAT?"
I dunno, might have been a 'Time-Release' CheckPoint.... lol
More soon....
Maybe about the Big Parade....

RJ Sends
Commuting around the IZ in an UpArmored 'Burban.

6:05pm: Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to all !! It was 77 degrees today around 1PM.

Iraq declared today an 'Iraq-wide' National Holiday in "Solidarity with our non-Muslim citizens."
The nay-sayers prompted cranked off two car bombs near a restaurant and killed police officers and civilians at breakfast.

We are at helmets and Body Armor until further notice.

For the rest of the world? Merry Christmas, may your families have a festive time and just enjoy being together.

Me ?? On my day off this month, Tomorrow I'm buying pizza for the soldiers on the 'other' CheckPoints.

Love to All,

Rich

3:19pm: Christmas Presents or what have you?
Ah Ha!  Slowly but surely the 'Green Zone' or the 'IZ' (International Zone (whichever You prefer) is going to change after 1 Jan 2009. The Iraqi Government is supposed to take over external (perimeter) security of the the IZ. What does that mean for day-to-day operations??... No one can say for sure.1. One of the plans being bandied about concerns an 'Island concept': small enclaves of US soldiers, civilians and local hired (non-Iraqi) personnel living on various and sundry facilities spread out all over the 'former' Green 'Zone'.2. Lots more Iraqi Police and Military folks sprinkled liberally all over the place...(Think 'rolling checkpoint': Checkpoint suddenly thrown up around/across a major transportation artery manned by Iraqi GIs or cops or both). What will they do? We do not know exactly. Check IDs? O.K. fine, but what if they do NOT read or speak English?Search cars for contraband items? O.K. WHAT exactly constitutes contraband? "We'll get back to ya on that."Create traffic problems? Oh, MOST definitely.So the watchword is slow and easy, 'polite' on any dealings with anyone.'Interesting' will NOT cover it in any form.So (Zach), I got another guitar today, a Yamaha acoustic (only ONE broken string). THINK I have some picks and one set of new strings to replace the broken one.Also had dinner last night at an Iraqi restaurant (might be a LONG time before THAT happens again). Some Chicken Tikka, some tabbouleh, flatbread FRESH from the over....NO Microwave warmups in THIS place...  Two people 40 bucks.And John says that the Loggie 'found' our two 'missing' TriWalls (with the rest of our equipment in them) up in Balad. 'Somebody' seems to have removed the RF (cute little computer twidget) tags that indicate where to send the boxes. They have been newly 'FOUND' (or would that be RE-FOUND) and the Loggie guy has promised to get them on a truck for us... They 'should' be down here in a week or 10 days from now... JUST in time for Christmas!!!
YAY, more stuff! JUST what I NEED in my room. HA!

2:54pm: Quiz X 1

Your result for Survival Test...

Weekend Warrior

Take Survival Test at HelloQuizzy

7:40am: What kind of dog am I?
Grab this flashy breed badge
for your blog or profile page.

4:02pm: New Vampire/Zombie Movies....Zach and JP!
Z-Man/JP:

Three things really:

"Let the Right One In"; Swedish Vampire movie...but not so muchness of the gore.

"Dead Snow": Swedish Zombie movie... with Nazi zombies... Hmmmm looks Seriously gory.

Call of Duty 5 World at War.... Youtube parts and pieces OMFG...
Mayhaps GOTTA get us an XBOX (and GAMES) for the Haus BEFORE I come home in July.

Nothing else busy around here. But it definitely AIN'T Anaconda/Balad...

Later, guys

RJ

3:06pm: Writer's Block: Infamous
Well it WAS Nov. 22, 1963 the day John Kennedy was assassinated. Then Apollo 1 had a fire aboard on my birthday in 1967. Then CHALLENGER exploded on the day after my birthday in 1986.

The biggest impact was Sept 11, 2001. I had both military and civilian friends working in the Pentagon and it was hard for the kids in school (because of cell phones overpowering the networks) trying to get some word from both parents.

5:37pm: Thanksgiving Day 2008
Happy Thanksgiving Day.
To all the service folks and contractors here in Iraq, hope you found a place to get a 'traditional' meal.

For you folks back in the States, hope you enjoy the games and the food.
All of us over here miss you and wish you well.

NEXT year in a better place.

Rich J.
Baghdad, Iraq

4:49pm: I'm O.K.; Green Zone CheckPoint attacked
First -- NOT my CheckPoint. We're O.K. US service members, expats and TCN guard force members.

Female Homicidal Bomber interrupted local folks coming to work in the Green Zone this morning by waiting in line where the locals have to go thru the Checkpoint to get searched. She then walked in between two cars of people waiting to go thru the search lane and murdered them and killed herself.

Second car bomb went off about ten minutes later farther away from the checkpoint to try and catch the first responders when they came up to help.

10+ dead, some of our 'younger brothers' (police and military folks) who are charged with protecting the local inhabitants and some of the Tier One Iraqi politicians.

Hopes and prayers for the Iraqi Policemen, Military soldiers and especially their families.

Rich J.
'Professor'

4:30pm: Jocularity NOT appreciated
So 'our' Expedition has been on the fritz lately, car horn doesn't work (life-threatening sitch here in the IZ), lights sometimes dim out, and the engine really bogs down when you step on it.

We got another 'high-speed' PSD (Personal Security Detachment) Suburban with most of the gadgets in it.
"Boys will be Boys."

Yesterday, we come cruising into the area where we are having our morning formation and my other manager says, "Hey, pop up into the gunners hatch."
So I pull the lock pin, slide back the hatch cover and pop up into the hatch and do my best Patton impression: Strike a brace, turn my head to the troops and snap my best parade ground salute and hold it as we slowly cruise the parking lot. My partner hits the blue cop lights in the grill and start speaking Spanish thru the PA. "Good Morning," "You look great this morning," It's going to be a great day," "Nice to see you today," etc.

I then switch to the princely wave, the slow side to side 'wiggle' you can maintain for days.
We pull up next to our 'platoon' with waves, cheers and whistles from our 'guys' and proceed to dismount the vehicle and walk over to our formation.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the Deputy Program Manager (that pulled in two cars behind us), right behind our 'sector' boss..

Shit-oh-dear, we're gonna hear about THIS.

The DPM doesn't say anything at all thru the sector morning brief, but hammers the boss at the night ops meeting.

Needless to say, we didn't make a GREAT impression the FIRST time THEY (HQs) lets us borrow the 'kuul guy' vehicle.

Hey, at LEAST we didn't drive over to Victory Base (7.5 miles down Route Irish and 'sneak' into the PX to buy steaks and then ZOOM back into the IZ).....THAT would have seriously been out of bounds & hacked them off. Violation of contract rules, etc....

But ya know... for that two minutes... it was FUN !!

And they DIDN'T change my callsign to 'Little Prince' or 'Patton' or 'Pass'n Review'.... YET!
LMAO.

It's Iraq and as I and LOTS of another service folks and contractors have said before:
"It's Iraq and sometimes ya gotta MAKE your own fun."

Google "Vehicle Rollover Drill" on YouTube and see what I mean.

Later, we will be getting back our old Excursion tomorrow or Sunday....
SAD Face.... (but a quiet evil grin)....
"Hey, ALL you guys were THINKING it... but we DID it!"

What next, Bitches?
RJ Sends

7:35am: Happy Halloween/All Saints' Day
Had a Halloween party last night at one of the local camps. No General Order #1 for us. Well O.K. everything ELSE except the 'No Alcohol' rule. Had two and a jello shot and that was enough for me 'cause we had an early morning thing.

So yeah, back in the Baghdad neighborhood for the rest of the year into next summer before my next break. (At LEAST I can go home for ONE month of the 'summer').

I call that a 'win'.
Back to work, NO Daylight Saving time THIS year in Iraq. So no extra 'fall back' hour of sleep. Sunrise appears to be getting earlier tho'.

More in a day or some.
Rich

6:18pm: Summer is Officially OVER today....GOT the MEMO
Cloud ripping thunderstorms and driving rain for about two hours today.
Yep, that clinches it... Summer's DONE.

Now we have a temperature drop of about 15 degrees from this morning and a cool, steady breeze.

And that to a 75% functioning rain jacket (issue rain jacket to our Peruvians et. al.) and you get the beginnings of 'chilly' season starting off with a rumble...

None of the 'suburban' Baghdad folx decided to 'send over a couple' (over cover of the storm) while everybody else was withdrawing into their Gore-tex jackets and pants, so we are thankful for the small things.

Gives NEW meaning to the REO Speedwagon song: "Riding the Storm Out."
So yeah, all of our guys got the word yeaterday afternoon (and evening) to bring their Goretex jackets or suffer the consequences..

The consequences kicked off about 1215 local here and continued for about two hours.

The Iraqis appeared 'surprised' and were vigorously drenched. Hey it's your country, you oughta know how to dress for 'your' weather.

I got my jacket !! lol.